FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 1

Fun on the weekly websites and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 1 January 5, 2004


Happy New Year to you! Not only is it the traditional New
Years but Chinese New Years is just around the corner.
According to http://www.chinapage.com/newyear.html
Chinese New Year starts 1-22-04 this year
and its the year of the monkey.

To continue exploring this topic try:
http://www.new-year.co.uk/chinese/
http://www.chinatown-online.org.uk/ not updated but very interesting information here
http://chinaunique.com/

Send a Chinese New Year ecard
http://www.inet.com.my/postoffice/chinese/
http://www.offbeatcards.com/browsecat.php?num_category_id=35
http://www.charlottebear.co.uk/ecards/cnyecards1.htm
http://browse.postcards.org/postcards/cards/0100/


Weird News from Florida in 2003
http://www.wftv.com/news/2734682/detail.html

Judging 2003's Ideas: The Most Overrated and Underrated
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/12/27/arts/27INTR.html?th

Top Words, Top Names, Top Phrases, and Top Mispronunciations
by Bush for 2003
http://home.businesswire.com/portal/site/home/?epi_menuItemID=989a6827590d7dda9cdf6023a0908a0c&epi_menuID=c791260db682611740b28e347a808a0c&epi_baseMenuID=384979e8cc48c441ef0130f5c6908a0c&newsId=20031225005029&ndmViewId=news_view&newsLang=en&div=-751075195


While we are looking at Bests . . .Best and Worst of 2003
http://www.eweek.com/category2/0,4148,1420236,00.asp
http://www.time.com/time/bestandworst/2003/
http://www.usnews.com/usnews/nycu/health/hosptl/tophosp.htm
http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994512
http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994511
http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994517
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/lists/hotlist03/?mbid=msn3
http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/sportsnation/espn100/flashFeatureMSN?partnersite=espn
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,4149,1421871,00.asp
http://wizbangblog.com/poll.php
http://slate.msn.com/id/2093333/
http://slate.msn.com/id/2093282/
http://slate.msn.com/id/2093340/


10 Most Painfull Momemnts on Television
http://channels.netscape.com/ns/news/story.jsp?id=200312292353000264971&dt=20031229235300&w=RTR&coview=
but what about Joe Average? or any of the "reality shows"?


Netflix for video games
http://www.gamefly.com/


Shareware
http://shareware.pcmag.com/welcome.php?&SiteID=pcmag
http://www.downloads.com/
http://www.jumbo.com/
http://www.tucows.com/


Free help with your computer hardware and software
http://www.techonthenet.com/
http://www.helponthe.net/
http://www.5starsupport.com/
http://www.techtv.com/techtv/index.html/


Best Astronomical Pics
http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/top_10_image_031223-1.html


Star of Bethlehem Myths
http://www.space.com/SpaceReportersNetworkAstronomyDiscoveries/flescher_Xmasstar2_122601.html

More about the Star
http://www.bethlehemstar.net/
http://sciastro.net/portia/articles/thestar.htm
http://www.space.com/spacewatch/star_bethlehem_021220.html
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/faq/docs/bethlehem.html



The XMAS Files
http://www.space.com/sciencefiction/phenomena/xmas_files_991223.html
http://www.space.com/sciencefiction/phenomena/xmas_files_2_991223.html
http://www.space.com/sciencefiction/phenomena/xmas_files_3_991223.html
http://www.space.com/sciencefiction/phenomena/xmas_files_4_991223.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yes I know some of these are a bit late but still funny . . .

AOL Before Christmas

T'was a month before Christmas from my wife came the wail,
"Take out the garbage and go get the mail."
So, I trudged to my mailbox and what did I see?
Why, a miniature disc and computer CD!

'Twas a limited offer from America Online,
I knew in a twinkling that this deal was fine!
"Unlimited" access for one little fee,
And if I didn't like it I could cancel it free.

So, I plugged the thing in and it just wouldn't load,
The message said "Error!" and something in code.
And, this is when I started getting real nervous.
So, I waited four hours for "Customer Service".

This techno-geek helped me to load and install it,
Then demanded the VISA I keep in my wallet.
So, I gave him my number and what did I spy?
"Terms and Conditions" screens whistling by.

Then, I got me a password. Now, I'd surf the net!
But, I never hit waves. Man, I never got wet.
I soon got so mad I was shaking and dizzy
For my modem kept trying, but lines were all busy!

And, all through the month, I kept trying this thing.
But, all I would hear was the "busy" sound ring.
So, I called 1-800 and the AOL number,
And waited on hold 'til I lapsed into slumber.

So, I tried then to cancel. But, where's the address?
Somewhere in Virginia? It's anyone's guess.
And several days later, I heard on the news
That 8 million people were trying to use ...

This AOL network, at the very same time.
And, that's when this CEO weasel-necked Slime
Announced the solution on how to log on.
Don't hog the phone lines and call in at dawn!

As you can imagine, this didn't sit well.
With lots of mad users who started to yell.
And soon the AG's joined them in the attack,
"Give them their money (Or at least part of it back)!"

And, this Weasel-Man leader tried to calm down the throng,
"Hey, I wanted those refunds for you all along!"
So, in grandiose fashion and a big press release,
Members were told how to get back their piece.

"Just call up this number and ask for your money."
But, then, something happened that's practically funny.
When you call up the number, don't get in a tizzy.
You can't get your refund 'cause the darn number's busy!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘Twas The Day After Christmas
=====================
’Twas the day after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin'
even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's.

To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT.......

YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what their
Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist
over there to read the picket signs!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man enters a Bar. He finds his way to a barstool and
orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep,
husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell
that joke, sir, you should know five things...

1 -- The bartender is a blonde girl.

2 -- The bouncer is a blonde gal.

3 -- I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a
black belt in karate.

4 -- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
professional weight lifter.

5 -- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a
professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want
to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and
declares, "Nah...Not if I'm going have to explain it five times..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been
questioned endlessly about my relationship (or lack thereof)
status by my friends, relatives, and co-workers. Over the
years, I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their
inquiries.

In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out
with this weekend?"

In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?"

In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating
anyone yet ?"

Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a
passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole,
Pheven."

"I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to
him. "What is your first name?"

"It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent
got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign seen in an animal shelter: "All children left unattended
will be given a free kitten."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"President Bush said his trip to England went so well that
next time he would also like to visit the United Kingdom
and Great Britain." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How come when you mix water and flour together you get
glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?
Where does the glue go?" --Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship

10. Do these steps go up or down?
9. What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after
they melt?
8. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
7. Does the crew sleep on the ship?
6. Is this island completely surrounded by water?
5. Does the ship make its own electricity?
4. Is it salt water in the toilets?
3. What elevation are we at?
2. There's a photographer on board who takes photos
and displays them the next day... the question asked...
If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones
are mine?
1. What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!
Have a healthy, happy and prosperous new year.

If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.

If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby@usa.com with subscribe in the subject line.

Don't forget to check out my webstores!
http://bluesbaby.surplusalert.com
http://bluesbaby.freeblvd.com

If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://bluesbaby.8k.com

If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.

Thanks and have a great week!