FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 2

Fun on the weekly websites and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 2 January 12, 2004


Well here we are in the dead of winter the holidays are over
and we are already counting down the days till spring.What
a good time forthe Best of the Winter from Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/bow/

Expand your wine savvy — and get some great
new recipes http://wine.msn.com
http://www.wine.com/aboutwine/default.asp
http://eat.epicurious.com/drink/
http://www.winespectator.com/Wine/Main/Feature_Basic_Template/0,1197,1968,00.html
http://www.calwine.com/winefinder.php



For help in following your New Years resolutions:
**********************************************
Healthy nails - no prescription
http://www.appearex.com

Redbook partnered with iVillage for this recipe collection
http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/recipefinder

Pick out wallpaper on the web
http://www.swdecorating.com

Check out toxicity of household chemicals
http://www.householdproducts.nlm.nih.gov

Working moms: Find helpful tips here on managing kids,
home, work — and yourself.
http://special.msn.com/msnbc/workingmom.armx

No reason resolutions can't have a fun result
http://www.bettersexthroughyoga.com
***********************************************

Are you biased? We all are to some degree. Here is a
site dedicated to erradicate hate and providing tools
to improve tolerance and reveal hidden bias.
http://www.tolerance.org/hidden_bias/

The time was World War II, the US Government placed
over 120,000 Japanese-Americans in "relocation camps".
This is the camp where some were detained.
http://www.lifeinterrupted.org/



Since 1976 the Official Banished Words List
http://www.lssu.edu/banished/


"Every day, in every corner of the world, works of great
beauty and importance are being lost forever…"
World Monument100 Most Endangered Sites
http://www.wmf.org/html/programs/watchlist.html


First, I want to say its been really cold and snowy here so
staying in and watching TV has been on my agenda. BTW
did ya' see dem Packers beat the Seahawks last week?
What a game! Unfortunately they didn't follow through
yesterday so there's no joy in Wisconsin for football fans
right now.

But, there is a new series on the Travel Channel about
products Made in America. I don't know, it might be that
driving up and down the roads hitting the tourist traps as a
child warped my brain, but I just love these shows. If you
missed the first episode don't worry, just check the Episode
Guide to see when it will be shown again.
http://travel.discovery.com/fansites/jrmia/goods/goods.html


Wow if you missed the Ugliest Room in America on Oprah
this week or you are looking for design ideas for your own
home, you can check them out here:
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200311/tows_past_20031111.jhtml



If you can't get enough of Ty take a look at the Trading
Spaces pages on the Learning Channel website. They also
have step by step instructions in the Project Files for things
you can do yourself to redecorate your home.
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/tradingspaces/tradingspaces.html

Oh my Trading Spaces ecards
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/tradingspaces/ecards/ecards.html


More Makeovers by Nate Berkus (Great ideas here too.)
http://www.oprah.com/foodhome/home/decorating/home_nate_main.jhtml


or Maybe Your Clutter is the Issue to Tackle
http://www.oprah.com/foodhome/home/housekeeping/home_julie_main.jhtml


If making YOU over is more to the point you might want to try
the National Body Challenge even if you missed the weigh in on
January 10. You can still use the online interactive exercise and
diet tool that includes a food log and customized meal plans.
http://health.discovery.com/convergence/nationalbodychallenge/locations/event_details.html


and look at their stressbusters (stress is related to weight gain)
http://health.discovery.com/centers/stress/index/stress_index.html


More Power Usurped from the People by Bush
http://www.wired.com/news/privacy/0%2C1848%2C61792%2C00.html



Good News on the Anti Spam actions (Can a fax be spam?)
http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,61806,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_7


Remember the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile when we were kids?
Now they have a website with games and the Jingle Jukebox!
http://toomuchfun.com/oscarmayer/


While daydreaming you may want to see the "101 Things
to Do Before You Die" list from the Travel Channel.
http://travel.discovery.com/ideas/culture_attractions/101/101.html

and Where When & WOW!
http://www.whatsontheplanet.com/wow/ptnr/discovery/page.jsp?fx=home


Candy critic devoted to exploring the strange and
unusual in the candy world.
http://www.candycritic.org/


"News from around the food world for you to chew."
http://www.egullet.com/



The most popular links on the Internet including
the all time Top 100 and the most popular searches
on Yahoo for the last 24 hours.
http://www.popdex.com/



Anteroom of the most beautiful 404 sites of the internet.
http://www.404lounge.net/



Serious Lego
http://www.jpbrown.i8.com/


Celebrating the unity of your eyebrows!
http://www.monobrow.com/


Roast pigs without digging a hole!
http://www.lacajachina.com/


A collection of the obscure and sometimes delightful
art available on the web.
http://www.chriswaltrip.com/dublog/

Emailing a photo each day between two friends, then
more friends got invovled, then the circle got bigger as
they told their friends and their friends friends. Now,
word-of-mouth has carried to over 210 members in 30
states, and around the world.
http://www.aphotoaday.org/


More photojournalism
http://www.camerondavidson.com/
http://www.elve.net/
http://www.simonladefoged.com/



Download and remix music
http://www.slsknet.org/
http://www.soulseekrecords.com/
http://slsk.donutplains.de/gods/index.php


"Comfort Stand Records . . . a not-for-profit internet-
only community driven label where all of CSR's releases
are totally free for download with artwork and liner notes."
http://www.comfortstand.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first Superbowl was in 1967 between the Kansas
City Chiefs and the Green Bay Packers. The Packers
won by a score of 35--10.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where did the term "Goody Two-Shoes" come from?

"Goody Two-Shoes" was the main character in the
1766 book, The History of Little Goody Two-Shoes.
("Goody" is an abbreviated form of "Goodwife," a
popular form of address in the sixteenth century.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Christian theology, there are nine choirs of angels. At
the top of the ladder and nearest to God are seraphim,
who have three pairs of wings. Following them are
cherubim, thrones, dominions, virtues, powers,
principalities, archangels, and angels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On to the chuckles . . .
A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the
road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. "Kiss
me and I will turn into a princess," it says.

The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The frog
starts shouting, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a princess.
Just kiss me and I will be yours."

The guy takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and
puts it back.

The frog is really frustrated. "I don't get it. Why won't you
kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do
anything you ask."

The guy says, "Look, I'm a computer geek. I don't have
time for girls. But a talking frog is cool!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate
those who do. And for the people who like country music,
denigrate means 'put down.'" --Bob Newhart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer
in it?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use
the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it,
then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we
use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept
drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our
ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so,
why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't
we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off the table you always manage to knock
something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and
a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it
was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right
answers?

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person
wondering what the heck happened?

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best
friend, who really is the dumber sex?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays?
Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a
sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they
get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have
to be bedridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why do men forget everything and women remember
everything?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat
American food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all
there's no sense in two people remembering the same
things right?

Is the real reason women live longer then men because
they don't have to live with women?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it
like your wife told you to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Your Computer Is Trying To Tell You

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support
quoting error no.1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 30
minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into
c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll
NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only
10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM,
I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore
or Close."
It means: "....Makes no difference to me,you're still not
getting your work back. Kiss your afternoon goodbye..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cat's Computer Dictionary

BROWSER: What I like to be at 3:00 am when I rearrange
all your books on your desk. Where's a kitty supposed to
lay down with all that mess?

WALLPAPER: My favorite stuff, mostly in the kitchen and
bathroom, I use to exercise my claws on.

DEFRAG: Coughing up hair balls. Hey, it's just a little
maintenance!

HYPERLINK: Fake hot dog filled with my favorite pick-me-
up: cat-nip.

SERVER: My human subject. You can't call them waitress,
or waiter, or slave anymore; it's not politically correct.

SHUT DOWN: Nap time—my favorite 16 hours of the day.

LAPTOP: Little ol' me. Certainly cuter, more useful, valuable,
and entertaining. and no batteries are required.

DEFAULT: Blame. If something gets broken around the house,
don't look at me! It's probably that human I have to share my
house with, or the dog's fault!

WINDOW: The best place to watch birds, squirrels, and that
weird dog next door eat out of the trash can and chase cars.

HOME PAGE: My papers—newspapers, that is, that I used
before graduating to the real kitty litter box. I think they were
the "Wanted: DOG" ads.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Harold had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 90%
better.

When Old Harold went back in a month the doctor asked,
"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."

The elderly gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family
yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Ways You Know Your Internet Connection is a Little
Slow (they get more and more funny as you go)

1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code.

2. Graphics arrive via FedEx.

3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection.

4. You post a message to your favorite newsgroup and it
displays a week later.

5. Your credit card expires while ordering online.

6. ESPN Web site exhibits "Heisman Trophy Winner"...for 1989.

7. You're still in the middle of downloading that popular
new game, "PacMan".

8. Everyone you talk to on the 'net phone' sounds like Forrest Gump.

9. You receive e-mails with stamps on them.

10. When you click the "Send" button, a little door opens
on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Say this to telemarketers . . .

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed
for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm
so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to
care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting
up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask
them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the
company name. Then ask them where it is located, how
long it has been in business, how many people work there,
how they got into this line of work if they are married, how
many kids they have etc. Continue asking them personal
questions or questions about their company for as long as
necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my
name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a
second and with a real husky voice ask,
"What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy,
how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few
brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she
could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each
one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to
speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't
have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out
blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her
to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you
can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her
that you work for the same company, and that employees
cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY
GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and
ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you
can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I
guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"
The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!"
and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please
hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue
to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue
with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging
of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration"
and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up
a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I
should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing
a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's
your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need
to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to
write every word down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a
new definition. Here are this year's (2003) winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high on the wall.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot
be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a
grub in the fruit you're eating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Communication is the key to a good marriage, say the
experts, but it may take time to develop.

Consider newlyweds Sven and Marta on their honeymoon
trip from their little town in southern Minnesota.

They are nearing Minneapolis when Sven puts his hand
on Marta's knee. Giggling, Marta says, "Sven, you can go
farder than that if you vant to..."

So Sven drives on to Duluth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000
miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.

MONEY SPENT

Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00

TOTAL $21.00

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy
a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented
tree, write a check for $50.00

2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for
$20.00, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on
you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver
through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter
splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old
oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide
to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new
garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil
change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it
to be recycled!

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat
of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the
back yard, along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug.
Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox
to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid
environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe
eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid
crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles
on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required
to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

MONEY SPENT

Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00

TOTAL -- $4165.00

BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've seen it before but its still cute
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name
of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the
name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of
shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called
Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou
travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou
can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several
saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How,
Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns
and drums in between to send messages saying what you
have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the
best price.

And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made
by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have
her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an
immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at
the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia
did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused
of insider trading.

And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth
the greedy horsefly take to horse flesh.

And, before very long, there were many others and They
were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites,
or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches
and the deafening sound of drums,that no one noticed that
the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother
William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in
the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would
work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being
taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the
Bay of Ezekiel, (or as it came to be known "eBay" ) he said,
"we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot
replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO", said Abraham.

And that is how it all began, It wasn't Al Gore after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!


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