FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 8

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 8 February 23, 2004


Here is the special Leap Year/Mardi Gras edition of FUN On
the WEB. This issue may be a bit longer but since I will be
in Cancun next Monday there will be no issue then.

Yes I'm finally getting away from the frozen tundra for a
short while at least. I'm hoping it's as beautiful as the pics
and Virtual Tours from Expedia. If you want to see what
I'm talking about, just click on the link for the hotel
http://www.expedia.com/pub/agent.dll?qscr=htfv&from=f&hwrq=EX018706FC95JGDC%241C%24E4uz%24D58pz1%2170%241B%24BF2%21H0%240A%217010000o%24A3%240C.%248A%24A3%240C%240D%21L0%216%24FF%21R010003%219010002000101%2150%216%24FF&itty=&itid=&itdx=&htid=522221&flag=&rfrr=&favl=0&crti=0&fgds=0

scroll to Riu Caribe and click on "more lodging info"
then click on "virtual tours"
click on the "birdseye view" to see the property
lots of other virtual tours and pics there


I thought of going to Mardi Gras but its not very warm there
this year (low 60's) and with about a 30% chance of rain and
that didn't sound appealing to me. Lots of people disagree
and you can see them celebrating on webcam
http://www.mardigras.com/
http://mglinks.com/
http://www.mardigrasday.com/mardigras/
http://www.mardigrasneworleans.com/



Mardi Gras is the last day of the season of Carnival and can fall
anywhere between February 3rd and March 9th depending on
the church calendar used to determine both Easter and Ash
Wednesday. Carnival is the season from January 6th or Epiphany
(also known as 12th Night or King's Day) which brings us to
King Cake. It's traditional to bake an oval cake in honor of the
three kings (who were bringing gifts to the baby Jesus).

The shape of a King Cake symbolizes the unity of faiths. Each
cake is decorated with icing and colored sugar in the traditional
Mardi Gras colors: purple for justice, green for faith and gold for
power. A small baby, symbolizing the baby Jesus, is baked into
each cake. The custom is that the person who finds the baby
in their slice will be rewarded with good luck, that person is
also charged to bring the King Cake to the next party.

The Krewe Balls are as much a part of the Carnival season
as the parades. Some are by invitation only but all are quite
spectacular. Recently more groups are holding balls.
http://www.mardigrasdigest.com/Sec_KQ/
http://www.mardigrasdigest.com/Events/carnival_balls_parties.htm




Coming up on leap year Encarta does a great job explaining
leap year. I knew that most centennial years : 1700, 1800,
1900 did not have leap year but it never registered with me
that 2000 did have one. They even explain that one, along
with some proposed new calendars and how they will work.
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/Columns/?Article=questionleapyear


BTW guys Leap Year is the traditional time that women could
propose marriage. The 1st documentation of this practice dates
back to 1288, when Scotland passed a law that allowed women
to propose marriage to the man of their choice in that year.

They also made it law that any man who declined a proposal in
a Leap Year must pay a fine. The fine could range from a kiss
to payment for a silk dress or a pair of gloves. Known in the US
as Sadie Hawkins Day a female character in the Al Capp cartoon
strip "Li'l Abner."

According to Wedding Traditions at
http://www.gagirl.com/wedding/wedding1.html
"The right of every women to propose on 29th February each
leap year, goes back many hundreds of years to when the leap
year day had no recognition in English law (the day was ‘lept
over’ and ignored, hence the term ‘leap year’)." (Since) "the day
had no legal status, it was reasonable to assume that traditions
also had no status. Consequently, women who were concerned
about being ‘left on the shelf’ took advantage of this anomaly
and proposed to the man they wished to marry.



Sandiego Museum of Art offers special online only exhibits.
Currently they are the Dragon Robes of Chinas last Dynasty
http://www.sdmart.org/dragonrobes/contents.html
Toulouse Latrec, American Painting and Eyes of the Museum
http://www.sdmart.com/eyes.html


With all the press over Mel Gibson and the film "The Passion
of Christ" and the beginning of Lent this Wednesday, perhaps
its time to once again look at the Image of Edessa or better
known as the Shroud of Turin
http://www.historicaljesusquest.com/mandylion.htm


ATM locator for when you need cash in a strange place
http://visaatm.infonow.net/bin/findNow?ONE=1&CLIENT_ID=VISA_USA&LOCATOR=VISA_USA&TYPE=PERSONAL


essential oils
http://watermagic.com/index.html

Feng Shui Store things to beautify and improve your life
http://store.yahoo.com/shopfengshui/index.html


Live an intentional Life
http://www.alteryourlife.com



Explore art at the getty Museum
http://www.getty.edu/art/exhibitions/


An online experiment in artificial intelligence
http://www.gnod.net/


All of these ebooks are free and can be downloaded to PDA
Palm, PocketPC, etc. Free reader software is also available.
http://manybooks.net/


Hmmmm this guy is listing and describing EVERYTHING in
his house. Right down to the books on his bookshelves.
http://mc.clintock.com/



American history circa 1942 from the Smithsonian
http://americanhistory.si.edu/1942/index.html


Take a minute to click and help fund mamograms
You can do this every day
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com



This is fun. Mostly made for websites but just looking
at mine sent me off ploting where to go next. Try it:
http://www.world66.com/myworld66


If you buy or sell on ebay you may want to check out
their newsletter and the archives for handy tips
http://pages.ebay.com/community/chatter/index.html


From 10 million light years away from the earth to quarks
(telescopic to microscopic and beyond)
examining the many stages by powers of 10
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/index.html


Do colors reveal your personality?
http://www.chinapaint.com/eng/flash/colorandme_en.swf


Fujifilm Digital Camera Developing gives you colorful, high-quality
real pictures – just like film – through the same local stores and
familiar process you've always known.
http://www.digitalcameradeveloping.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Words of Wisdom........
I've learned . . . That life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned . . . That we should be glad God doesn't
give us everything we ask for.

I've learned . . . That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned . . . That it's those small daily happenings that make
life so spectacular.

I've learned . . . That under everyone's hard shell is someone who
wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned . . . That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What
makes me think I can?

I've learned . . . That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned . . . That when you plan to get even with someone, you
are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned . . . That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned . . . That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is
to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned . . . That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a
smile.

I've learned . . . That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your
babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned . . . That no one is perfect until you fall in love with
them.

I've learned . . . That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned . . . That opportunities are never lost; someone will take
the ones you miss.

I've learned . . . That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock
elsewhere.

I've learned . . . That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her
one more time before she passed away.

I've learned . . . That one should keep his words both soft and tender,
because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned . . . That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your
looks.

I've learned . . . That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose
what I do about it.

I've learned . . . That when your newly born child holds your little
finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned . . . That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain,
but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned . . . That it is best to give advice in only two
circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life
threatening situation

I've learned . . . That the less time I have to work with, the more
things I get done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Nancy for the BRAIN CRAMPS

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and
stuff." --Mariah Carey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on
the release of subpoenaed documents.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go
one way or another" --George Bush, US President

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Last week, president Bush said he will not allow Mad Cow
Disease to stop him from eating beef. The president went on
to say that, in fact, today, he had a ham sandwich."
--Conan O'Brien

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air
do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I was provided with additional input that was radically
different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a
guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain
types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may
not occur." --Al Gore, VP

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away. May
God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in
your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at
night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart
throughout the night. And the next morning, when they
wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


...Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to your other brilliant friends, like I'm doing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Microsoft was headquartered in Southern Georgia
1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders;
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle;
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with
a Hefty bag;
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-ight" or "Naw";
5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos;
6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '98 would be an outhouse;
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a
digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!";
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '98 theme song
would be Achy-Breaky Heart;
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt";
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic"
and "Vishul C++";
11. Winders logo would incorporate Confederate Flag;
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word;
13. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!";
14. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz";
15. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am;
16. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse;
17. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver;
18. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire;
19. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory
dead cars in your front yard;
20. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator;
21. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates;
22. Redman plug'n'play interface;
23. They could still use Ky-row as code name for next upgrade,
but Albenny would be the one after that;
24. Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume
your program manager;
25. Instructions for use would include "mash the control key.";
26. The HQ building will be a double wide on cinder blocks,
because MICROSOFT is hyear to stay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach
that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you
for weeks.

2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see
one tumble down the stairs.

3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get
to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.

5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every
table had an argument going.

6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they
notice about a woman is her eyes, and women say the first
thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays
no attention to criticism.

10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you one
hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it
normal.

12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance
to the first.

13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody
discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here,
it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even
more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which
states that this has already happened.

14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?

15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came
here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas,
some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those
people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration.

From – Debbie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W C Fields said –

(Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded:)
"Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails."

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for
hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

Charlie McCarthy: "Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you
consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father
think about that?" WC: "He'd think I was a sissy."

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting
on people.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no
use being a xxxx about it.

http://www.workinghumor.com/quotes/wc_fields.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.

I have never had premonitions,
but I think one day I might.
--Lawrence

History does not repeat itself,
historians merely repeat each other.

Time is relative, meaning good times go fast
and bad times go slow.

Don't you wish some relatives were time and just go?
--Lawrence

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has
the better lawyer.

If he says you're too good for him, believe it.

--Debbie Parson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Outside an auto-repair shop in Danboro, Pennsylvania:
"Wreck Amended."

A note on a taxidermist's window in New England boasts:
"We really know our stuff."

Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and
an alms bowl.

Unless, of course, you have the closet space in the master
bedroom.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.

Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.

And sit up straight.

You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

From – Aiken Drums One Liners
Aikensoneliners-subscribe@topica.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memo: From GOD....Another ten commandments

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes
YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be
completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant
you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any
inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little
to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments.
Keep them. But follow these guidelines, also.

1. QUIT WORRYING
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you
forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them
for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that
comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not
YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care
of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And
although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care
of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever
really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never
even realize.

3. TRUST ME
Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them
back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your
needs,your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put
them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems
with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list.
I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much
stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you
think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me
your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your
strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if
I give you these problems back, you will be right back where
you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them.
Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making
you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know
I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget.
Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want
to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things
going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends
and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I
want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where
you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me;
you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care
for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to
trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems
as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How
hard can trust be?

7. SHARE
You were taught to share when you were only two years old.
When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those
who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those
who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those
who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears
with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith
with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so
many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult,
have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades,
travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and
experience so much. How can you be so impatient then
when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle
something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My
timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe
in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you.
They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same
way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for
My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would
be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each
of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You
were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and
to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your
neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache
when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong.
You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget that!
~~~
With all My heart
I love YOU!
God

Author Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his
water three days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand,
when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling
"Mush! Mush!"

Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is
again, closer this time -- "Mush! Mush!"

Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun
and sees, of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat driving a
sled with a team of huskies across the dunes. Thinking that
it's a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but
it's for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked
voice calls, "He-elp!"

The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in
the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what
you're doing here, or why, but thank God you are! I've been
wandering around this desert for days, my water's all gone
and I'm completely lost!"

The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "You think
YOU'RE lost!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If a man is in the forest, and there isn't a woman around,
is he still wrong?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ford has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and
frost.

Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed
when frozen and not burn up the motor.

But Chevy is adding the wire elements to the tailgates on
all of their trucks to keeps your hands warm while you're
pushing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession
was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond
in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the
pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Crosus said, "I'll give you
100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for
it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the
King!"

Crosus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star... it makes
no difference who you are!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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