FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 13

FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 13

Note to my subscribers: It's becoming apparent that my email
from bluesbaby@usa.com is no longer reliable so I am going
to send from this email address in the future. Please add this
address to your address book or list so there will be no further
problems receiving this newsletter. Thanks!
Christy aka Bluesbaby

P.S. This is the issue I sent out Monday so if you were one
of the lucky ones who got it, there is nothing new here.
Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles

Volume 3 Issue 13 April 5, 2004
Did anyone get you with an April Fool prank? One of the
more hilarious pranks on the net was this site showing new
BMW technology which cooks dinner while you drive.
http://www.anewwaytocook.co.uk/shef/index.htm

"Political Friendster is a parody of the social network
Friendster.It allows a visualization of the connections
between players in the political game."
http://politicalfriendster.stanford.edu/

Unfortunately this was not the best time for Google to
make anannouncement regarding its new, free, web
based mail servicewhich some took to be a prank. Not
available to the public yet it boasts storage of 1 Gb and
Google search power.
http://www.google.com/press/pressrel/gmail.html


Although I have talked about being charitable in the past,
nothing can be more important than organ donation. After
you die you have no need for them and they can provide
the gift of renewed life to others.
http://www.organtransplants.org/

Pretty cool tools from LHJ (although I just hate their pop
ups). Try Arrange a Room (I found two different versions)
or Plan a Garden. There are more fun things to try too:
http://msnwomen.lhj.com/lhj/category.jhtml?categoryid=/templatedata/bhg/category/data/Tools.xml
http://msnwomen.lhj.com/lhj/category.jhtml?categoryid=/templatedata/lhj/category/data/ArrangeARoom.xml

Great Travel Tips from MSN
http://family.msn.com/tool/article.aspx?dept=raising&sdept=rks&name=me_022304_traveltips&signup=true

Tonight marks the beginning of Passover celebrating the
flight from Egypt by the Israelites. The first 2 nights are
celebrated with a special Seder using no yeast and only
foods that are"Kosher for Passover" are allowed. Special
dishes are kept forthese meals and all foods prohibited
during Passover must bedisposed of the morning of the
first night of Passover. It is important for Jewish children
to be and feel involved in thecelebration of Passover.
(Jewish holidays begin at sunset.)

For more info and recipes:
http://www.holidays.net/passover/
http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/passover/
http://scheinerman.net/judaism/pesach/index.html
http://www.koshercooking.com/recipes/passover/
http://www.billybear4kids.com/holidays/pesach/pesach.htm

A more intense look at Passover or Pesach
http://www.jewfaq.org/holidaya.htm
http://www.torah.org/learning/yomtov/pesach/

Listen to learned Raabis discuss Passover and an interactive
guide to Passover http://learn.jtsa.edu/passover/

While looking for comprable Easter links I came across this
gem that relates the term "Easter Egg", as any amusing
tidbit that creators hid in their creations. They could be in
software, movies, music, art, or books. They can be quite
entertaining, if you know where to look.
http://www.eeggs.com/

Serious Easter Links
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05224d.htm
http://www.easterincyberspace.com/
http://wilstar.com/holidays/easter.htm
http://www.rockies.net/~spirit/sermons/easterpage.html
http://www.religioustolerance.org/easter.htm
http://www.luth.se/luth/present/sweden/history/folklore/easter.html
http://www.assa.org.au/edm.html dates of Easter

Scroll down for The Night Before Easter (with music)http://www.gospelcom.net/peggiesplace/easter.htm

There will be some that think this is too avant garde for an
Easter message but I say whatever gets the message across
http://www.iloveeaster.com/

Easter Kids and Bunny Links
http://www.billybear4kids.com/holidays/easter/fun.htm
http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/easter/
http://www.happy-easter.com/
http://www.blackdog.net/holiday/easter/

One of America's most wanted The Zodiac Killer. Starting in
1966 the search for him has gone on without any success. Is
the killer still alive?
http://www.zodiackiller.com/
http://www.olesin.50megs.com/zodiac/

Scotch lovers will want to check out this site. Includes a
beginners guide for those who want to educate themselves
on the mysteries of single malt Scotch.
http://www.maltmadness.com/

For the Fear Factor fans this site offers challenges such as
cinnamon and horseradish. Then shows the results here:
http://www.stinkfactor.com/

For the serious ebayer, tips on auctions
http://www.auctionbytes.com/

Bringing to light over five thousand years of Egyptian
civilization. A living record of a land rich in art and history,
people and places, myths and religions. Multi media using
IBM text to speech, and virtual tours make this site much
more interesting than looking at still pictures.
http://www.eternalegypt.org/EternalEgyptWebsiteWeb/HomeServlet

The largest planned community constructed by a single
builder in the United States completed in 1958. Celebrating
50 years of suburbia the State Museum of PA offers this exhibit:http://www.fandm.edu/levittown/default.html

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs. See these photos of
odd and unusual signs from near and far
http://signsoflife.goose24.org/

Presenting a complete survey of all medical phenomena
named for a person, with a biography of that person.
http://www.whonamedit.com/

Beautiful Asian Art from a New York Gallery
http://www.kaikodo.com/KaikodoIntro.html

From the Metropolitan Museum of Art -A Timeline of Art Historyhttp://www.metmuseum.org/toah/splash.htm

I may have sent this before but it's hard to get to without
a link. It's Kodak's display on the American Cowgirl, which
is remarkable for various reasons: these women competed
with men on equal footing, the pictures are outstanding
courtesy of the Cowgirl Museum, and Kodak offers
photography tips.
http://www.kodak.com/US/en/corp/features/cowgirl/
for more see http://www.cowgirl.net/

Teaching 5-to-15 year-old kids "How To" build things in
one-page cartoons. Inspired by books such as "Handicrafts
for Handy Boys"and The Way Things Work" Howtoons
encourages kids to be inventive and creative and to "play
that matters".
http://www.howtoons.net/

Very cool, very young, blues, guitar player. Only 11 but
already has played with John Mayall and the Blues
Breakers, Debbie Davies, and Bob Margolin. Links to his
site and music samples:
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/ericsteckel

The internet's largest collection of exotic car crash photos.
http://www.wreckedexotics.com/

An odd illusion regarding fetures in faces
http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~lombrozo/home/illusions/thatcher.html

What was that dream about?http://www.harvestfields.netfirms.com/meditation/dream/a00index.htm

News about the news? Yes its a newsblog.
http://www.cablenewser.com/

Adam Kalkin builds homes that mix performance, conceptual
art, kinetic construction, and play.
http://www.architectureandhygiene.com/

If you love Al Franken check him out here
http://www.airamericaradio.com/

The Justice Department's deleted half of a report evaluating
its success in diversifying its attorney work force. This is the
most recent development in an uproar that the Justice
Department has been trying to avoid for over a year. For
more information: The Memory Hole-- "The Justice Dept's
Attorney Workforce Diversity Study--Uncensored":
http://www.thememoryhole.org/feds/doj-attorney-diversity.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alternate Uses for Duct Tape
Hate finding your mailbox clogged with junk mail, advertising
circulars and bills? Duct tape your mailbox shut.

Obliterate that blinking "12:00" on your VCR once and for
all with a single strip of duct tape.

Gals - duct tape keeps the toilet seat down
Guys - duct tape keeps the toilet seat up

Wrap sticky-side out around your hand to pick up fuzz, lint
and pet hair from clothing and furniture also picks up small
pets from clothing and furniture.

Replace winter boots with socks wrapped in several layers
of duct tape.

Duct tape hand held games to your car's steering wheel for
amusement during afternoon traffic jams. Also great on trips.

High chair falling apart after the third kid? Duct tape will
make it last for three or four more.

You may also want to duct tape your kid to the seat to avoid
mid-meal slippage.

Make a fashion statement: Patch old blue jeans with duct tape.

Broken wooden serving spoons? Repair with duct tape, instant
mock-silver service.

Tired of refrigerator magnets tumbling to the floor each time
you reach for a cold drink? Duct tape will hold the kids' art
until they graduate.

Quiet noisy kids: Make a Wacky-Roller duct tape ball to keep
them busy.

If all else fails, simply tape their mouths shut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the
park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews
do not eat leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he
was eating Matzoh, a flat crunchy unleavened bread that
has dozens of perforations.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next
to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet
of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked
puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this garbage?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amazing Tips and Hints (not a joke but pretty cool)
1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off
and see the dead skin and blackheads if any
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead
of sutures at most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - Jell-O!
16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the
detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet.
(Wow, and we let kids drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in
Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love
itand it won't hurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe
off with a coffee filter paper 21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your
hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle
with corn starch and watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat
the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film
container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid, tie a
rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club
soda and cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and
let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with
Colgate toothpaste (might prevent you from seeing as well…)
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch the
wine absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over
the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce
paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will
cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight.
Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!
25. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
26. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, It will also remove grease
stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take
corrosion from car batteries! It will also dissolve a tooth left
overnight in a jar – but that’s another matter. (I know that
some of this is true but not all of it.)
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- Sprinkle
and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get
them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox,
or 2 Bayer aspirin, Or just use 7-up instead of water.
42. Want to make a Flower bloom quickly? Put a penny
in the water
43. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have
you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze"
for freshness or softness? Did you know that bread is
delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Each day
has a different color twist tie. They are: Monday = Blue,
Tuesday = Green, Thursday = Red, Friday = White and
Saturday = Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would
want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a
week old)! The colors go alphabeticallyby color Blue-
Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday.
Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting
so I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers
DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the
plastic clips have different colors. You learn something
new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread
with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Please Note: Use the information above at your own
risk. FUN ON THE WEB assumes no liability for the
informationabove, misuse of beer, peanut butter or other
products or methods mentioned above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oxymorons
1. Act naturally
2. Found missing
3. Resident alien
4. Advanced BASIC
5. Genuine imitation
6. Airline food
7. Political science
8. Tight slacks
9. Definite maybe
10. Pretty ugly
11. Good grief
12. Same difference
13. Almost exactly
14. Government organization
15. Legally drunk
16. Working vacation
17. Soft rock
18. Plastic glasses
19. Terribly pleased
20. Diet ice cream
21. Sanitary landfill
22. Alone together
23. Small crowd
24. Butt Head
25. Software documentation
26. New classic
27. Sweet sorrow
28. "Now, then ..."
29. Synthetic natural gas
30. Passive aggression
31. Taped live
32. Clearly misunderstood
33. Peace force
34. Extinct Life
35. Temporary tax increase
36. Computer jock
37. Computer security
38. Twelve-ounce pound cake
39. Exact estimate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way,
when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But
right now there's no rehab for stupidity." --Chris Rock

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From my neighbor Mike

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving
more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants
you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far this will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty
that while hard work and knowledge will get you close,
and,attitude will get you there, bs and a*s kissing
will put you over the top.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress
over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then
she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that
potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works
much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita."
~~ Maxine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now
and then doesn’t hurt! ~~ Lucy, Peanuts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDIOT SITINGS

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
This week, My phone went dead and I had to contact the
telephone repair people. They promised to be out between
8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give
me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked,
"Would you like us to call you before we come?"

I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do
that,since our phones weren't working. He also requested
that we report future outages by email. I asked him,
"Does YOUR emailwork without a telephone line?"

IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase
when theclerk noticed I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could
not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, sheexplained that it was necessary to
compare the signature I hadjust signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front ofher. She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on
the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our
road. The reason: "too manydeer were being hit by cars"
and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your
baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know? "
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people
doing driving?"
(Note from me: I still want to know why we have braille
instructions at the bank drive thru windows?)

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the life of her couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership
to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the service department and found a
mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side
door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A happy heart is better than a full purse.– Italian Proverb

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook,
Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only
after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into
shape.
The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs
and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it
balance!"
Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see...
mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow
wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615.
What the heck is that?"
"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States and
one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this
country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we are going live
in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a
hotdog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.

"Two dogs,please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot
dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the
companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring
at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers
cautiously, "What part did you get?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** WHAT HE SAYS / WHAT HE MEANS **
** "I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick
in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
** "It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern
connectedwith it, and you have no chance at all of making
it logical."
** "Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
** "Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.
** "It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
** "We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like
a maniac."
** "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."
** "That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
** "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
** "I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands,
so I'm completely clueless."
** "You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and
realize it could be worse."
** "You look terrific."
Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm
starving."
** "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Thanks and have a great week! Have a super Passover
or Easter this week and don't eat too much, just enjoy
the family.