FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 17

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 17 May 3, 2004


Wow! It's May but you sure couldn't tell that here yesterday.
When I woke up it was snowing. It even stuck to the cars,
trees, and ground for a while. Lets hope that's the end of it
till next winter. I can only wish that we are now headed into
summer here and that all the rain will bring those flowers out.


With Gas hitting $2 a gallon here are some tips from MSN
http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/Savinganddebt/Saveonacar/P42459.asp


Seek out cheaper gas online
http://www.gasbuddy.com
http://www.gaspricewatch.com


Thanks to Erin for this budget stretching website. Check
it out! They have lots of money saving tips!
http://www.stretcher.com


If you haven't caught this on the news, it appears that a
young man has been homeless at NYU and decided to
live in the library. You have to give the kid some credit for
wanting an education that badly. The FAQ page tells more
than the usual about this boy and his website.
http://www.homelessatnyu.com/home.php


A better kind of travel guide providing the latest up-to-date
information on food, wine and travel. Some areas have top
ten lists or 72 hour travel guides like these:
http://www.gayot.com/travel/citytrips.html
http://www.gayot.com


Thanks to Erin for this website that allows you to shop at
sites donating a portion of your purchase to certain non
profit organizations, like her favorite charity, the Autism
Society of America.
http://www.forsociety.com/com/asa/index.html?AddInterest=1061



Another site from Erin. This one will help you de-clutter
your home and life in short (15 minute) segments. Yes,
I signed up for the newsletter, but I just can't see the
shoe thing (do flip-flops count?)
http://www.flylady.net
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On to the funnies . .

"Phone Number Trick"
1) Punch the first three digits of your phone home
phone # into your calculator [without the area code].
2) Multiply by 80.
3) Add 1.
4) Multiply by 250.
5) Add the last four digits of your home phone #.
6) Add the last four digits of your home phone # again.
7) Subtract 250.
8) Divide by 2.
Recognize the number? Now, what crazy (genius?)
person had the time tothink of this?!?

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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first
blonde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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"Murphy's Laws On Work"

Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning
of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop
errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time,
but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you
are really good, you will get out of it.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional
to the number of pensthat person is carrying.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes
it worse.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

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Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late
and need the delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the
farthest gate within the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience
turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has
the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in
the boarding area. Just look forthe two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get
up to go to the lavatory.

The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next
to you.

Guys, the best-looking woman on your flight is never seated
next to you.

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the
more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

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A honeymoon couple stayed in the Watergate Hotel in
Washington, DC. The bride is concerned. "What if the
place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, and under
the rug. "Aha" Under the rug was a disc with 4 screws. He
gets his screwdriver, unscrews the screws and throws the
disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds
"How was your room?" "How was the service?" "How was
your stay at theWatergate?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well . . . the room under you
complained about the chandelier falling on them."

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A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was
sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was
typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book
and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest
and writers cramp.

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Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist
over there to read the picket signs!"

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Warning ona bottle of drain cleaner: "If you cannot read or
do not understand, all directions, cautions and warnings, do
not use this product." That warning is the first place winner
of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan
Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that
the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate
common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the
wackiest warning labels.

Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop
high speed under certain snow conditions."

Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact
discs: "Do not use as a ladder."

Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel
hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish
can't read!

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"TBS announced they are developing a reality version of
'Gilligan's Island' that will feature a real-life Skipper, a
millionaire, a movie star and a professor. The winner is the
person at home who decides to watch something else."
--Conan O'Brien

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The next time you are on an elevator, have some fun and
do one of the items listed below – or it can double as a
psychology experiment.

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap
them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if
they know what floor you are on.

3. Tell people that you can see their aura.

4. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's
okay, don't panic, they open again!"

5. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

6.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

8. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but
push the wrong ones.

9. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on,
ask them if they can hear ticking

10.Turn around and face everyone in the elevator – and
then smile at everyone. . .

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After Jack died, his lawyer stands before the family and reads
out Jack's Last Will and Testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land,
and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.

To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health
is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

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"How Fast?"

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agentreplies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in
the classifieds. It read: Brand mint condition 2003 Mercedes
Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00.

She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check
it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her
and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.

She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you
selling this car so cheaply?"

"Well," she said, "it was my husband's car actually, and he
ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him
last week that read: 'In Miami. Need money. Sell car'."

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SURE SIGNS YOU ARE BEING STALKED BY MARTHA STEWART

- You get a threatening note made up of letters neatly cut
out of a magazine with pinkingshears;

- You find a slice of lemon floating in your dog's dish;

- Every napkin in your house has been folded into the shape
of a swan;

- On her TV show she makes a replica of your home out of
gingerbread, including your fallen-down licorice downspout
and stuck-half-open, graham-cracker garage door.

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"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a
day-to-day basis." --Margaret Bonnano

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Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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