FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 18

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 18 May 10, 2004

Well last week snow and this week it was some rip roaring
thunderstorms across the Midwest including tornadoes and
hail. I hope everyone came through that safe and sound.
California has fires whipping up after 100+ degree heat so
no one got a break in the weather last week. I hope you all
had a nice Mother's Day. Guys if you forgot, its time for some
major kissing up before heading out to the golf course.


The Bush Administration is at it again! They are trying to pass
legislation to include hatchery raised fish with the endangered
species in the wild, to remove the endangered fish such as
different types of salmon from protection under the EPA.
http://g.msn.com/0US!s9.31612_317621/53.a589/2??cm=MSNBCnewsacrossAmerica


Canadian website with some insightful cartoons from Vancouver
http://www.straight.com/section.cfm?id=172
http://www.straight.com


Literature, poetry, quotations, biographies and many, many
types of reference books online free
http://www.bartleby.com/


For an almanac, atlas, biography, or encyclopedia. They do
include tools like the periodic table, conversion calculators,
mythology guides, crossword puzzle guides, today in history,
and a homework center for the kids
http://www.infoplease.com/


They reach some odd areas like the must have records
http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0150519.html



Remember the old game hangman? Now you can play online!
http://www.jokesandgames.com/hangman/

Iknew this game as Othello
http://www.jokesandgames.com/reverso/

Need a new game . . . try midget tossing. Hey lighten
up its just cartoon characters.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/midget_tossing/midget_tossing.htm


The real story behind Little Red Riding Hood in the 21st
Century . . lol
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/menu/ridehood.htm


Just goes to show that some people have waaaay too much time
on their hands. You have to see this product to believe it.
http://www.stupid.com/stat/OCDG.html


Antonio Jorges Goncalves lives in Lisbon, working as an
illustrator and comic strip artist. Here he makes drawings of
people sitting in subway trains in 10 citiesaround the world.
He stays in each city for an average of three weeks, making
around 300 drawings which seek to cover different times of
day and the different lines of the subway system. Make sure
to click on the bouncing black dot for each city and look at
the photo that pops up.
http://www.subway-life.com


With more of us reducing carbs or watching them there is good
news on the horizon. A nonprofit scientific organization, has
unveiled a new Net Carb Seal of Assurance for food packages,
drinks, restaurant meals raw ingredient materials and displays.

To qualify for the seal, the product ingredients are clinically
tested, a laboratory analysis is done and then final approval of
the Association is given. Results are featured on the Net Carb
Seal of Assurance. For more info The American Carbohydrate
Association 800-700-0295 http://www.acarba.org


One out of 12 women die in childbirth in Africa and it's
estimated about 3,000,000 women are suffering from
childbirth injuries which could be repaired. Dr. Catherine
Hamlin has continued the work started in Ethiopia and
the AFFCI helps to fund them. As seen on Oprah.
http://www.fistulahospital.org/


Getting married? Find tips, tools and the latest trends
at MSN Life Events.
http://lifeevents.msn.com/category.aspx?cid=married

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Thanks to Mike for the Things Mom Would Never Say

1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look
more cheery"

4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it'sgood for another week"

5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad
to feed and walk him every day"

6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough
for me."

7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not
like I'm running a prison around here."

8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound
to improve"

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Know that you are your greatest enemy,
but also your greatest friend.

- Jeremy Taylor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

- Mary Oliver

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for
his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom,
he saw ten stands with ten birds onthem. Each bird had a
sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat in the
front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The
professor announced that the test would be to look at each of
the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and
species.

The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked
the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all
night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The
more he thought about it the madder he got.

Finally he just couldn't stand it any longer. He went up to the
professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could
anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their
legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's
desk and walked to the door.

The professor was shocked. The class was so big that he didn't
know every student's name so as the student reached the door
the professor called,"Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell
me buddy! You tell me!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If everything seems under control,
you're just not going fast enough."
~~ Mario Andretti

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q:What has 6 eyes but can't see?

A:3 blind mice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camping Tips

Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the
other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an
excellent hockey puck.

You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican
food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness
by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic
waistband of your underwear.

Theguitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing
for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.

Effective January 1, 2005, you will actually have to enlist in the
Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used
to strangle a snoring tent-mate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for reservations.
When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree,
something is wrong." ~~ George Carlin

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
~~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for the one about THE POND

An old farmer in Georgia hadowned a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back. One evening the
old farmer decided to go down to the pond. As he neared
the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all
went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked."
"I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and
enthusiasm every time !

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Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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