FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 19

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 19 May 17, 2004


Well it's quite a mix again. I have been trying to get things
cleaned out before vacation so I have a nice empty inbox
for all that crappy spam I'll get. I just hate having to redo
all the subscriptions that get canceled when my email is
too full and bounces what I do want to see. Anyone have
any suggestions for the spam or handling vacation time
email? I am more than willing to listen.


No its not abstract art but they do make great screen savers.
These pictures of everything from cocktails to stones are from
the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory, a joint venture
of The Florida State University, the University of Florida, and
the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
http://www.molecularexpressions.com/





An interactive touch-screen program called 'Turning the Pages'
that simulates turning a selection of pages of the book without
touching the precious original from the British Library.
http://www.bl.uk/collections/treasures/digitisation1.html


Started in May of 2002 and now featuring over a thousand
pictures from travel to glassblowing. Y'all know what a sucker
I am for good pictures. Great links to other photo sites.
http://www.thevisualrecord.com


Poster art is back in style, not only a gallery but a how to and
an explanation of what makes good poster art valuable.
http://americanart.si.edu/collections/exhibits/posters/mainmenu.html


Maria Schneider, a staff writer for The Onion, in good ol' Madison
Wisconsin, illustrates stories of geekdom. We have all been there
sometime or another and she started this comic strip soliciting
stories from friends and strangers.
http://www.patheticgeekstories.com


Why you say what you say. All those peculiar sayings that define
the native speaker from the foreigner are idioms.
http://www.idiomsite.com/


Sheila mentioned this gag recently so I thought I would post it
http://www.bluesguide.com/


When you buy things online often you see a place for a promo
code or coupon code. These online purchasescan be high ticket
items so these coupon codes can save you big money on your
purchases. Here are sites to look for those coupon codes:
http://www.1CouponStop.com
http://www.BigBigSavings.com
http://www.coupons-coupon-codes.com/
http://www.CouponMountain.com
http://www.CurrentCodes.com
http://www.dailyedeals.com/
http://www.DealCatcher.com
http://www.FatWallet.com
http://www.imegadeals.com/
http://www.jumpondeals.com/
http://www.pricezilla.com/
http://www.rather-be-shopping.com/
http://www.Shomp.com
http://www.Wisekat.com



Over 200 newspaper front pages for today from 32 countries
http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/


All the Laws of Murphy in one place
http://www.murphys-laws.com/


Guide to the pleasures of modern living,articles, reviews,
and playlists from the Mod point of View
http://www.uppers.org/


Forbes lists are more than the richest people and best
companies. They include the Best of the Web, Best
Blogs, Best Amusement Parks and Best Ski Resorts.
http://www.forbes.com/lists/


Also fun is the Daily Diversion from MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4143377/


Short stories online
http://www.short-stories.co.uk/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Seekers are offered clues all the time from the world of
the spirit. Ordinary people call these clues coincidences."
Deepak Chopra

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How's this for a stupididea? A California state senator has
proposed an amendment to the State Constitution that would
lower the voting age to 14. You know what would happen if we
allowed 14 year olds to vote? We'd probably wind up with an
action hero as governor of the state." --Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always

catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he
got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving
birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor
used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Jacki for this one
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching
her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure
our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture
them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that
we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Securing a building -- military style"

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the
lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it
and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with
heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate
a three year lease with an option to buy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped
caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were
nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary,
I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to
Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you
were still in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a
fancy restaurant. While studying the menu she asked,
"What's filet mignon?"

Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver.
Why?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator SUV.

He and a friend go duck hunting in the winter, and of course
all the lakes are frozen over. These two guys go out on the
lake with their guns, a dog, and the new Vehicle.

They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want
to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks,
something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck would
fly down and land on; it's going to take a little more effort than
an ice hole drill.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration
that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a
location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator),
because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice
when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in
smoke with the resulting blast.

They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.

"Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned
the vehicle, the guns, and the DOG!! Let's talk about the dog:
A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially
things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it, the dog takes off running on the ice and
captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second
fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream,
wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered
on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots near the dog –
trying not to hurt him. The dog stops for a moment, slightly
confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog,
still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified,
thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.

The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to yell as they run. The exhaust pipe on the
truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under
the truck, and takes off after his master.

Then --"BOOM!"-- the Navigator is blown to bits and sinks to the
bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots
standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on
their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by
illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still has yet to
make the first of those monthly payments!!!

And you thought your day was not going well!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the
intelligence. They got one marked 'brightness' but it doesn't
work." --Gallagher

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following came from an anonymous Mother in
Austin, Texas... Things I've learned from my children

(honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill
a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with Rollerblades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults
in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman
underwear and a Superman cape. It is however, strong
enough, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all 4 walls
of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is
on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the
ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit
a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool
you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic
toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in La Mesa, CA has a 5-minute
response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.


23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox
and brake fluid.

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