FUN ON THE WEB vol 3 issue 21

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 21 June 7, 2004

Well this will be the down and dirty version (little or no format
changes from me) since my plans changed and I am writing
this from Los Angeles after everyone has gone up to bed. Yes,
that's right, I came home from my Baltimore-Philly trip and
headed out again for the other coast the next day.

I am planning a trip to Disneyland on Tuesday so I will include
new Disney links here for Disneyland and DisneyWorld. Even
though its considered on season, they still have school here
so we are hoping to avoid the crowds.

HILTON POINTS FOR PARK HOPPER PASSES
http://www.hilton.com/en/hhonors/rewards/entertainment.jhtml#walt_disney_world?_resort_rewards_

This looks like good info to me (bargains for all things Disney)
http://www.mousesavers.com/index.html

recommended by about.com
http://travelwithkids.about.com/cs/familytraveldeals/p/dealsdisneyland.htm
http://www.disneyworldvacations.org/


50th Anniversary celebration at Disneyland AND DisneyWorld
http://www.intercotwest.com/news.aspx?newsId=17

It says Disney in and out . . . well I learned a lot (about both
DisneyWorld and Disneyland)
http://www.intercotwest.com/


Did you get another scam letter offering to share funds if
only you will let the letter writer have access to your bank
account? It could be from Nigeria or South Africa but that
doesn't really matter. These people have found a way to
play with the scammers.
http://www.scamorama.com

If you don't know what I am talking about, look here
http://home.rica.net/alphae/419coal/

If you would rather consider the plight of people with real
problems around the world, many less-fortunate people
are living in refugee camps. This site from the Canadian
Broadcasting Company explores that living situation.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/iraq/presentations/refugees/refugee.html

To do more than think about it, Amnesty International is
a great place to start
http://www.amnesty.org/


Play a musically oriented game
http://www.abba-to-zappa.com/


Check out these vintage "found" photos
http://www.timetales.com/


Polls by state Bush vs. Kerry from the Wall Street Journal
http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/info-battleground04-frameset.html


Whether carpal tunnel has hit or you just like gadgets, you
may want to check out these gesture pads, keyboards,
and other pointing devices for your computer.
http://www.fingerworks.com/


Look what's coming on Showtime
http://www.sho.com/site/homepage/index.do


Check out http://www.yummyfun.com/


The Best of Roadside Dining - check it out before its
available only by subscription (after July 1 2004)
http://www.btwmagazine.com/


All about poisonous plants and animals. Check out the
amusement section for stories and myths
http://library.thinkquest.org/C007974/?tqskip1=1


Starship Dimensions (for the Sci Fi aficionados)
http://www.merzo.net/


The World RPS Society is the worldwide governing body of
the sport of RPS (Rock, Paper, Scissors) founded in 1842.
They have tournaments for money! One in California in June
boasts a $1000 prize
http://www.worldrps.com/


Large scale photos of Earth from the air
http://www.earthfromtheair.com/


You know me and photo art. Well this time it's pictures taken
in a mirror or other reflective surface
http://www.mirrorproject.com/


Photo journalism projects
http://www.sh1ft.org/projects/
http://www.sh1ft.org/mayday/


Since some of these flash pics move I can't imagine how they
got them in a book. They are pretty interesting to look at
http://www.friendsofed.com/fmc/


Album reviews and MP3's for popular artists. Independent, not
related to any one band or record label.
http://www.junkmedia.org/


Little known facts and stories about Los Angeles
http://www.beneathla.com/beneath.cgi?=main


If breakfast is your favorite meal you will love this site which
promises to help you find a great breakfast with recipes and
restaurant reviews
http://www.mrbreakfast.com/


"Girlamatic.com features webcomics (mostly) by women,
(mostly) for women. It's not about busting anybody's, um,
balls," Follow them daily for free but to see the whole
archive you must subscribe
http://www.girlamatic.com/

Cartoon about life in the office (since 2002) not for
the conservatives. Free (even the archives.)
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/

An ongoing collection of anonymous love letters.
You can submit your own
http://www.collectiveexperience.org/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for these quotable quotes:
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers
in his car." --Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get
a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two
aspirin" and "Keep away from children." --Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet
at the bar." --Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun
with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong
house." --Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
they should give you two weeks notice. There should be
severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have
to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat I said, 'Mom, they
weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" --Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that
study:"Duh." Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in
New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty,
but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography." --Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they
turned sixty and that's the law." --Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from
smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall
people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy
is the same." --Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a
member of Congress... But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student. At least they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney Brown

18) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a
place." --Billy Crystal

19) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never
would've thought of that!'" --Dave Barry

20) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow
Disease" was taken. --Unknown, presumed deceased

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun Puns
-- Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

-- A backward poet writes inverse.

-- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

-- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

-- Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

-- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

-- A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

-- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

-- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

-- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

-- Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

-- Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

-- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

-- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

-- What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

-- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

-- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your
count votes.

-- She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but
she broke it off!

-- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

-- If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

-- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

-- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

-- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.

-- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

-- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

-- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

-- Every calendar's days are numbered.

-- A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

-- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

-- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

-- A plateau is a high form of flattery.

-- A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small
medium at large.

-- Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

-- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

-- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

-- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did You Ever Wonder?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on the
"Start" button?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food
is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In 1945 a computer at Harvard malfunctioned and Grace
Hopper, who was working on the computer, investigated,
found a moth in one of the circuits and removed it. Ever
since, when something goes wrong with a computer, we
say it has a bug in it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you have internet addiction when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.

A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.

Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a
faster connection to the net.

And even your night dreams are in HTML.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty
feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net"

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time
you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV,
even though you've never had heart problems before.

You step out of your room and realize that your parents
have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so
you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind
you of what she looks like.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you
notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

Your dog has its own home page.
Your dog's homepage is actually good.

You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So
you check it again.

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

You code your homework in HTML and give your
instructor the URL.

You don't know the gender of three of your closest
friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you
never bothered to ask.

Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and
stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because
"Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with
Netscape6 or higher."

You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your
ISP...because you never log off.

The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the
chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so
you buy another computer and install a second phone line so
the two of you can chat.

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain
road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up easy
for transporting

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up alot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer,
a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat
Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a
dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with
CIA agents

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it
doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have all seen Courses for Men but now there are Courses
for Women as well (Its a joke)

1. Silence, the final frontier: Where no woman has gone before.

2. The undiscovered side of Banking: How to make deposits.

3. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You don't need
new shoes everyday.

4. Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.

5. Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a
fish wife.

6. An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to
have a new outfit.

7. Man Management: Discover how the garbage can wait
until after the game.

8. Personal Space: Leaving at least enough space in the
bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.

9. Valuation: Just because it's not important to you.

10. Communication Skills I: Tears as the last resort and
not the first.

11. Communication Skills II: How to think before speaking.

12. What he really wants: Is buying the right razor blades
so difficult.

13. Driving a car safely: A skill you can also acquire.

14. Real women drink their share at a party.

15. Telephones: How to hang up.

16. Parking: Beginners Course.

17. Parking (Advanced): Reversing into a parking space.

18. The Natural Habitat of the Towel: Why they prefer the floor.

19. Managing your weight: It's not water retention... it's fat.

20. Learning to cook I: Bran is not food.

21. Learning to cook II: Bringing back bacon and eggs.

22. Compliments: How to accept them gracefully.

23. PMS: Your problem... not his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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