FUN on the WEB vol 2 issue 49
Fun on the weekly websites and other chuckles
Volume 2 Issue 49, December 29, 2003
I hope you all had a good holiday and are ready to
move ahead into the new year with grace. As you can
see since this is issue 49 we missed a few this year but
managed to find some fun along the way.
The big kids are here visiting so we have been talking
about a lot including a trip to Disney (my younger son
and daughter-in-law went in October) so I just have to
share some Disney sites with you all.
Just to get you in the mood Disney Song Lyrics
http://www.fpx.de/fp/Disney/Lyrics/
or midi files
http://www.zaxpax.com/disney1.htm
http://disney.com
http://www.disneyworld.com
http://disney.go.com/disneyatoz/waltdisney/index.html
http://www.hiddenmickeys.org
http://allearsnet.com
http://www.wdwinfo.com/
http://www.wdisneyw.co.uk
http://www.disneycorner.com/
http://www.time.com/time/time100/builder/profile/disney.html
http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Disney.html
http://www.islandnet.com/~kpolsson/disnehis/
http://www.calweb.com/~bertino/disney.html
From Trivia Insignificance Daily at DailyInbox.com
"Why do we abbreviate Christmas as 'Xmas'? "
Because the Greek letter "x" is the first letter of the
Greek word for Christ, "Xristos." The word "Xmas,"
therefore, means "Christ's Mass." Despite what you
might read elsewhere, "Xmas" was NOT an attempt
to take the "Christ" out of "Christmas." It's been
commonly used in Europe since at least the
sixteenth century.
The diaries of Samuel Pepys, a renowned 17th
century diarist who lived in London, England and
provides insight into life at that time.
http://www.pepysdiary.com/
This is fun
http://www.moviemistakes.com/
Quality diversions here
http://www.usedwigs.com/
Celebs behind bars
http://www.mugshots.org/
One of the many tourist attractions Florida had to
offerin the 50's and 60's. (Make sure you check out
the gardens for links to other Florida Gardens.)
http://www.africa-usa.com/
This was the location of the Bettie Page jungle shots
http://www.africa-usa.com/bettie.htm
Dr. Val Kolpakov a dentist in Saginaw, Michigan started
this toothpaste collection in March 2002
http://www.toothpasteworld.com/
A tribute to all things tacky
http://www.worldofkitsch.com/
If any of these bands pull your chain then the rest
of the site may entertain you
http://www.tinymixtapes.com/tours/
For upcoming musicians like Ani Di Franco and Norah Jones
http://www.theonionavclub.com/archives.php?acat_id=5&letter=a
This music is more to my taste
http://www.ericjohnson.com/flash/news.html
Photographers
http://www.featured.nu/
Art of a different kind
http://www.morningcraft.com/
DIY crafts
http://www.getcrafty.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make
noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior
motives?
5. Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why
can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of
their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent
sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let
them know who's boss!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Real Meanings
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one
end and a fool at the other.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her master.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power ..
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a
feeling you have never felt before.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Office: A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.
Etc...: A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually
and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life,
to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such
a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower
says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in
ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that
he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late
when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections
and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you
with his bills.
Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading
such stuff...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym
instructors got together and said: If we're going to
charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read
my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with
one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes,
and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate
few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact
via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop
telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music
on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check
for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week,
if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget
to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the
Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go
to bed sometime...
and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait
for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard
the voice on the public address system saying,
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570
will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to
Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told
us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to
the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public
address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in
Delta's physical fitness program."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Things to Ponder"
How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only
a "penny for your thoughts?" Where'sthat extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured
out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
wake up like every two hours and cry?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and
fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're
going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does she/he call?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-
fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't
have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just
"chunky dunk."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we
could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize
you haven't fallen asleep yet.
My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's
what he said.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but
they can in prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one
morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to
open a savings account and insisted on talking to the
president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot
of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
client is always right), an employee took the elderly
woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she
wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk
and replied, "$165,000." The president was curious
and asked her how she had been able to save so much
money.
The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000
that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman
that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at
the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?
Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 -
that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the
amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would
like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning
with my lawyer as a witness.
"No problem," said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about
the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror;
examining his testicles, turning them this way and
that, checking them over again and again until he
was positive that no one could consider his testicles
as square and reassuring himself that there was no
way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly
woman arrived at the president's office with her
lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made
the day before that the president's testicles were
square. The president confirmed that the bet was
the same as the one made the day before.
Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants
so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The
president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman
came closer so she could see better and asked the
president if she could touch them.
"Of course", said the president. "Given the amount
of money involved, you should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile.
Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was
banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly
woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh,
it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around
10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls
of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!
Have a healthy, prosperous new year and a safe, sane
New Years Eve.
If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.
If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby@usa.com with subscribe in the subject line.
Don't forget to check out my webstores!
http://bluesbaby.surplusalert.com
http://bluesbaby.freeblvd.com
If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://bluesbaby.8k.com
If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.
Thanks and have a great week!
Next week look for info about Chinese New Years!
Volume 2 Issue 49, December 29, 2003
I hope you all had a good holiday and are ready to
move ahead into the new year with grace. As you can
see since this is issue 49 we missed a few this year but
managed to find some fun along the way.
The big kids are here visiting so we have been talking
about a lot including a trip to Disney (my younger son
and daughter-in-law went in October) so I just have to
share some Disney sites with you all.
Just to get you in the mood Disney Song Lyrics
http://www.fpx.de/fp/Disney/Lyrics/
or midi files
http://www.zaxpax.com/disney1.htm
http://disney.com
http://www.disneyworld.com
http://disney.go.com/disneyatoz/waltdisney/index.html
http://www.hiddenmickeys.org
http://allearsnet.com
http://www.wdwinfo.com/
http://www.wdisneyw.co.uk
http://www.disneycorner.com/
http://www.time.com/time/time100/builder/profile/disney.html
http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Disney.html
http://www.islandnet.com/~kpolsson/disnehis/
http://www.calweb.com/~bertino/disney.html
From Trivia Insignificance Daily at DailyInbox.com
"Why do we abbreviate Christmas as 'Xmas'? "
Because the Greek letter "x" is the first letter of the
Greek word for Christ, "Xristos." The word "Xmas,"
therefore, means "Christ's Mass." Despite what you
might read elsewhere, "Xmas" was NOT an attempt
to take the "Christ" out of "Christmas." It's been
commonly used in Europe since at least the
sixteenth century.
The diaries of Samuel Pepys, a renowned 17th
century diarist who lived in London, England and
provides insight into life at that time.
http://www.pepysdiary.com/
This is fun
http://www.moviemistakes.com/
Quality diversions here
http://www.usedwigs.com/
Celebs behind bars
http://www.mugshots.org/
One of the many tourist attractions Florida had to
offerin the 50's and 60's. (Make sure you check out
the gardens for links to other Florida Gardens.)
http://www.africa-usa.com/
This was the location of the Bettie Page jungle shots
http://www.africa-usa.com/bettie.htm
Dr. Val Kolpakov a dentist in Saginaw, Michigan started
this toothpaste collection in March 2002
http://www.toothpasteworld.com/
A tribute to all things tacky
http://www.worldofkitsch.com/
If any of these bands pull your chain then the rest
of the site may entertain you
http://www.tinymixtapes.com/tours/
For upcoming musicians like Ani Di Franco and Norah Jones
http://www.theonionavclub.com/archives.php?acat_id=5&letter=a
This music is more to my taste
http://www.ericjohnson.com/flash/news.html
Photographers
http://www.featured.nu/
Art of a different kind
http://www.morningcraft.com/
DIY crafts
http://www.getcrafty.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make
noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior
motives?
5. Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why
can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of
their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent
sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let
them know who's boss!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Real Meanings
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one
end and a fool at the other.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her master.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power ..
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a
feeling you have never felt before.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Office: A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.
Etc...: A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually
and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life,
to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such
a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower
says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in
ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that
he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late
when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections
and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you
with his bills.
Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading
such stuff...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym
instructors got together and said: If we're going to
charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read
my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with
one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes,
and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate
few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact
via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop
telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music
on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check
for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week,
if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget
to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the
Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go
to bed sometime...
and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait
for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard
the voice on the public address system saying,
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570
will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to
Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told
us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to
the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public
address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in
Delta's physical fitness program."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Things to Ponder"
How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only
a "penny for your thoughts?" Where'sthat extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured
out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
wake up like every two hours and cry?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and
fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're
going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does she/he call?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-
fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't
have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just
"chunky dunk."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we
could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize
you haven't fallen asleep yet.
My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's
what he said.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but
they can in prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one
morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to
open a savings account and insisted on talking to the
president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot
of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
client is always right), an employee took the elderly
woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she
wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk
and replied, "$165,000." The president was curious
and asked her how she had been able to save so much
money.
The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000
that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman
that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at
the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?
Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 -
that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the
amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would
like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning
with my lawyer as a witness.
"No problem," said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about
the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror;
examining his testicles, turning them this way and
that, checking them over again and again until he
was positive that no one could consider his testicles
as square and reassuring himself that there was no
way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly
woman arrived at the president's office with her
lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made
the day before that the president's testicles were
square. The president confirmed that the bet was
the same as the one made the day before.
Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants
so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The
president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman
came closer so she could see better and asked the
president if she could touch them.
"Of course", said the president. "Given the amount
of money involved, you should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile.
Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was
banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly
woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh,
it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around
10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls
of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!
Have a healthy, prosperous new year and a safe, sane
New Years Eve.
If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.
If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby@usa.com with subscribe in the subject line.
Don't forget to check out my webstores!
http://bluesbaby.surplusalert.com
http://bluesbaby.freeblvd.com
If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://bluesbaby.8k.com
If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.
Thanks and have a great week!
Next week look for info about Chinese New Years!
posted by Bluesbaby @ 10:07 AM
0 Comments
