FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 20

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 20 May 24, 2004

Just a few days till I am off to the east coast to visit my son
and his wife near Philadelphia and also spend a few days with
them in Baltimore. My other son is heading to Hawaii . . .
hmmm does that seem right to you? If you have any must see
site seeing in those spots please send them to me ASP. And
by the way there will be no new issue next Monday between
travel and the holiday; I am taking the day off.


Free webcasts to help maximize business or organize your life
http://www.officedepot.com/promo.do?file=/promo/webcafe/index.html&template=promo


Travel tips and connectivity stuff for travelers
http://equipped.msn.com/tiparchive.aspx?cn=Organizing%20Principles


The Searchable Online Archive of Recipes has now become
RecipeSource,now organized by ethnic type and type of dish
http://www.recipesource.com/


Hans Christian Andersen, Cher, Tom Cruise, Albert Einstein,
Whoopie Goldberg, Greg Louganis, Lee Harvey Oswald, and
Gen. George S. Patton, are (were) all dyslexics.


Pepsi Edge and Coca-Cola C2 are the names in the news. While
I am not going to get into the Coke vs Pepsi debate I will send
you to this website to get info on more mature beverages.
http://www.bevnet.com

With reviews on over 1800 drinks, it links to a partner site
where many of these items can be purchased. Now I won't
kid you, its expensive but for those who are diabetic or in
search of a heathier choice there are variety packs to try.
They also have soda of the month and coffee tasters clubs.
http://www.beveragesdirect.com




I don't usuallysuggest commercial sites unless they are pretty
special. I think these all qualify:

http://www.holdeverything.com/ storage
http://www.hogsfly.com/ ribs
http://kopps.com/ custard/ice cream
http://www.sharperimage.com/ electronics
http://www.hardshell.com/ ebooks/trade paperbacks

http://secure.sovietski.com/cgi-bin/sovietski.storefront
http://www.whatonearthcatalog.com/
http://www.plowhearth.com/welcome.asp


If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively
(1+2+3+4+5 etc) the total is 5050.


New E-mail tracking service ready to go. E-mailers can know when,
whether and even where you read their messages. The company
plans to formally launch a message-monitoring service called
DidTheyReadIt?

The service costs $50 a year but you can try it free.To use it,
register on the Web site and attach the phrase "didtheyreadit.com"
to the end of an e-mail address.The tracking is invisible to recipients.
Didtheyreadit can be used by, among others, job applicants to make
certain their resumes were received by employers and not shunted
into junk e-mail folders. Similarly, parents can make sure their children
are reading messages. "It gives you a piece of mind andthat's what
our software does." http://didtheyreadit.com/



10 Hot jobs for retirees
http://cbs.marketwatch.com/news/story.asp?siteid=mktw&dist=nwhpf&guid=%7B930AA498%2D9E59%2D40B2%2D8004%2DD3D88EEEFEE3%7D


Have we all had enough reality TV yet? Well there is a new
twist or two. In The American Candidate the audience will
identify who they would like to see run for President of the
United States. 12 people in a series of challenges designed
to show viewers what really goes on in the making of a
presidential candidate. Like so many others one leaves each
week with the final episode a showdown between the
remaining two candidates, and one person will become the
"American Candidate."
http://www.americancandidate.com/home.php

Heaven help us but reality TV is growing even more
common this summer with offerings from Bravo like Blow
Out (about a hair salon), a new season of the Queer Guys,
and Project Runway to find the next smash designer (for
Fall) along with a slew of docudramas like Forty Duece and
Miami Slice (about plastic surgeons)
http://www.bravotv.com/


If you are watching or are interested in any of the gazillion
upcoming reality shows you may get the scoop here
http://www.realitytvworld.com/


The net savy comic strip
http://www.userfriendly.org/


Not only the site of Benbow Bullock (a metal sculptor for
30 years) but an international guide to sculpture gardens
http://www.artnut.com/



Not as well known as the Mardi Gras Crews but equally
as amusing to watch on New Years Day in Philadelphia
http://riverfrontmummers.com/sitemap.html
http://mummers.com/fancybrigades/



Thanks to Anita for this wacky site! See toys like we
never had 'em. Links open in new window.
http://www.goblertoys.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Anita for these Rules of Montana . . . .
(They apply for Wyoming too...) actually they apply
in any small town in America

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop
when Easterners and Californians cross states such as
Oregon, Idaho, Washington, Wyoming, Colorado,
Montana, etc., these states' Tourism Councils have
adopted a new set of information guides.


In an effort to help outsiders understand the West,
the following list will be handed to each driver entering
the state:

(1) That rancher standing next to the barn did more
work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

(2) It's called a gravel road.. No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have
a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive and get
the hell out of the way.

(3) We all started hunting and fishing when we were
seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

(4) Any references to "beef-fed" when talking about our
women will get your asswhipped---by our women.

(5) Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Just don't
cry to us if a massive trout breaks it off at the handle. We
have a name for those little guppies you fish for---bait.

(6) Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

(7) If that cell phone rings while a herd of elk is approaching
during hunting season, we will shoot it. You might hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.

(8) That's right, Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a
fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

(9) No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order
steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

(10) You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet
and served over ice.

(11) So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollarcombine that
we use two weeks a year.

(12) Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in some of our
towns. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

(13) Yeah, we eat moose. Venison too. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

(14) They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it.

(15) So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?

(16) That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot---his name is Sir---no matter how old he is.

Now enjoy your visit and then go home!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ernest Shackleton's recruiting advertisement for his 1912
Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition:

"Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter
cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger,
safe return doubtful.Honour and recognition in case of success."

If Shackleton were advertising in the 2000's:

"Members wanted for adventure trek. Low cost, cool sights,
lots fun nights, thrills galore, insurance available. Get your
picture in Outdoor magazine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for the history lesson from Jacki

Back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in
England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the
condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which
was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its
stop in New York. This would have been the largest single
shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.

But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.
The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever
lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise
and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at
the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a
National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th
and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for all these kids say the darnedest things:

3-year-old, Reese:

"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:

"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A. Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.

They were ready to discuss the last one.

The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie
raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take
the covers off the neighbor's wife."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason
sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally,
the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought
up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the
Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat
after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go
solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word
right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation,"
she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and one particular four-year-oldprayed,

"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put
trash in our baskets."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on
the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet
in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were
sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. You're not
supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See
those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin,5,
Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the
first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If
Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have
the first pancake, I can wait.'"

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you
be Jesus!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-
year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to
the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what
happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw
him back down?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned
to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say
theblessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth
did I invite all these people to dinner?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for these memos too:

MEMO:
Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find
that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the
couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats
sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest
extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the
door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to
turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull
the door open. I must exit through thesame door I entered. In
addition, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or
cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a
simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on
our front door.....

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to
complain about our pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/
daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't
speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't
ask for moneyall the time, are easier to train, usually come
when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug
using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying
the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a
gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can
sell the results.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of the Groups I Belong to had an Explanation for the
Oil Shortage

Finally!!

There are a lot of folks who can't understand
how we came to have an oil shortage here in Canada.

Well, there's a very simple answer......
Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

All our oil is in Alberta.

All our dipsticks are in Ottawa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent
Valentine's Day. When Ithink about romance, the last
thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at
me with a weapon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
-Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Courses to succeed in a politically correct world!

SSC101 Spinal Strengthening and Conditioning 1: This course
explores the techniques needed to have an opinion, state it,
and stick to it. The concepts covered in this course are
designed to strengthen the students backbone (or develop
one in some extreme cases).

SSC102 Spinal Strengthening and Conditioning 2: This course
is a continuation of SSC101 and deals with the converse side
of the opinion issue: how to bend gracefully when life demands
it.The concepts discussed in this course are designed to help
avoid backbone stiffness, brittleness orbreakage.

MSC101 Mental Strengthening and Conditioning 1: This course
introduces techniques that allow the student to make room in
the brain for new information.

MSC102 Mental Strengthening and Conditioning 2: This course,
which continues the material begun in MSC101, is designed to
teach the student how to choose wisely what is put into the
brain and how to avoid the mental junk food that can weaken
the brain.

ESC101 Emotional Strengthening and Conditioning 1: This
course introduces the concept that one does not need to
become emotionally unstable when confronted by the
unpleasant aspects of life.

ESC102 Emotional Strengthening and Conditioning 2: This
course continues the discussion begun in ESC101 and teaches
specific techniques for maintaining emotional stability in a
chaotic world.Topics covered include how to respond to
insensitive or poorly thought-out comments (both spoken
and written); howto graciously process negative emotions;
and how to avoid the temptation to get even (this list is by
no means all-inclusive; students will be encouraged to suggest
topics for class sessions).

SSD101 Social Skills Development 1: This course introduces
the skills necessary to use the knowledge gained from
previous courses (see list above) in interactions with others.
(While the University wishes to make this course a graduation
requirement for all students, the University's attorneys have
advised the administrators that such a requirement would be
highly impractical, as the number of people at large in the
world who have not taken SSD101 far outnumber those who
have taken it. Therefore, the course may actually put our
graduates at a disadvantage but we still recommend you
take it, if only for your own sake.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned thatmost
people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull
on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the
fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that
person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies .. . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars
and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these
terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but they hung around
on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, lets
compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video
and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge
of immigration...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Mike for this test
This is for all you educated people on my list.
NO CHEATING!!

Below are four questions. You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.
OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are. Ready?

GO!!!

First question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?


Answer:

If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely
wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his
place, YOU are second!

Try not to screw up the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you
took for the first question.


Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are....?


Answer:

If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do
NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000, and now
add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for the answer....



Did you get5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day.

Maybe you will get the last question right?


Fourth Question

Mary's father has five daughters: 1.Nana, 2.Nene, 3.Nini,
4.Nono What is the name of the fifth daughter?



Answer: Nunu?

NO!! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.



THIS IS BEING SENT TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE"
IN MY LIFE -- and I'm keeping my score a secret.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Mike for these Quotable quotes


Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had
ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister ...
and now wish to withdraw that statement.
~Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermonis to have a good beginning and
a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
~George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year.
~Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir
... mighty scarce. Mark Twain


By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
~Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness
and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
~Jilly Cooper

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee providesin a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. ~Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The
world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would
stop dying. ~Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to
offer me the position. ~Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
~Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's
time for my nap. ~Bob Hope

A woman drove me todrink ... and I hadn't even the courtesy
to thank her. ~W.C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do
in it. ~W.C. Fields

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't
remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ~George Burns

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to
work its way through Congress. ~Unknown

Don't worry about avoiding temptation...
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~Unknown

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But ...everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Unknown

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
~Unknown

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's
too old to go anywhere. ~Unknown

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
~Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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Thanks and have a great week!

FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 19

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 19 May 17, 2004


Well it's quite a mix again. I have been trying to get things
cleaned out before vacation so I have a nice empty inbox
for all that crappy spam I'll get. I just hate having to redo
all the subscriptions that get canceled when my email is
too full and bounces what I do want to see. Anyone have
any suggestions for the spam or handling vacation time
email? I am more than willing to listen.


No its not abstract art but they do make great screen savers.
These pictures of everything from cocktails to stones are from
the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory, a joint venture
of The Florida State University, the University of Florida, and
the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
http://www.molecularexpressions.com/





An interactive touch-screen program called 'Turning the Pages'
that simulates turning a selection of pages of the book without
touching the precious original from the British Library.
http://www.bl.uk/collections/treasures/digitisation1.html


Started in May of 2002 and now featuring over a thousand
pictures from travel to glassblowing. Y'all know what a sucker
I am for good pictures. Great links to other photo sites.
http://www.thevisualrecord.com


Poster art is back in style, not only a gallery but a how to and
an explanation of what makes good poster art valuable.
http://americanart.si.edu/collections/exhibits/posters/mainmenu.html


Maria Schneider, a staff writer for The Onion, in good ol' Madison
Wisconsin, illustrates stories of geekdom. We have all been there
sometime or another and she started this comic strip soliciting
stories from friends and strangers.
http://www.patheticgeekstories.com


Why you say what you say. All those peculiar sayings that define
the native speaker from the foreigner are idioms.
http://www.idiomsite.com/


Sheila mentioned this gag recently so I thought I would post it
http://www.bluesguide.com/


When you buy things online often you see a place for a promo
code or coupon code. These online purchasescan be high ticket
items so these coupon codes can save you big money on your
purchases. Here are sites to look for those coupon codes:
http://www.1CouponStop.com
http://www.BigBigSavings.com
http://www.coupons-coupon-codes.com/
http://www.CouponMountain.com
http://www.CurrentCodes.com
http://www.dailyedeals.com/
http://www.DealCatcher.com
http://www.FatWallet.com
http://www.imegadeals.com/
http://www.jumpondeals.com/
http://www.pricezilla.com/
http://www.rather-be-shopping.com/
http://www.Shomp.com
http://www.Wisekat.com



Over 200 newspaper front pages for today from 32 countries
http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/


All the Laws of Murphy in one place
http://www.murphys-laws.com/


Guide to the pleasures of modern living,articles, reviews,
and playlists from the Mod point of View
http://www.uppers.org/


Forbes lists are more than the richest people and best
companies. They include the Best of the Web, Best
Blogs, Best Amusement Parks and Best Ski Resorts.
http://www.forbes.com/lists/


Also fun is the Daily Diversion from MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4143377/


Short stories online
http://www.short-stories.co.uk/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Seekers are offered clues all the time from the world of
the spirit. Ordinary people call these clues coincidences."
Deepak Chopra

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How's this for a stupididea? A California state senator has
proposed an amendment to the State Constitution that would
lower the voting age to 14. You know what would happen if we
allowed 14 year olds to vote? We'd probably wind up with an
action hero as governor of the state." --Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always

catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he
got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving
birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor
used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Jacki for this one
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching
her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure
our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture
them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that
we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Securing a building -- military style"

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the
lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it
and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with
heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate
a three year lease with an option to buy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped
caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were
nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary,
I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to
Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you
were still in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a
fancy restaurant. While studying the menu she asked,
"What's filet mignon?"

Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver.
Why?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator SUV.

He and a friend go duck hunting in the winter, and of course
all the lakes are frozen over. These two guys go out on the
lake with their guns, a dog, and the new Vehicle.

They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want
to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks,
something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck would
fly down and land on; it's going to take a little more effort than
an ice hole drill.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration
that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a
location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator),
because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice
when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in
smoke with the resulting blast.

They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.

"Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned
the vehicle, the guns, and the DOG!! Let's talk about the dog:
A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially
things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it, the dog takes off running on the ice and
captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second
fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream,
wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered
on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots near the dog –
trying not to hurt him. The dog stops for a moment, slightly
confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog,
still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified,
thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.

The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to yell as they run. The exhaust pipe on the
truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under
the truck, and takes off after his master.

Then --"BOOM!"-- the Navigator is blown to bits and sinks to the
bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots
standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on
their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by
illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still has yet to
make the first of those monthly payments!!!

And you thought your day was not going well!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the
intelligence. They got one marked 'brightness' but it doesn't
work." --Gallagher

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following came from an anonymous Mother in
Austin, Texas... Things I've learned from my children

(honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill
a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with Rollerblades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults
in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman
underwear and a Superman cape. It is however, strong
enough, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all 4 walls
of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is
on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the
ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit
a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool
you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic
toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in La Mesa, CA has a 5-minute
response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.


23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox
and brake fluid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.

If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby@usa.com with subscribe in the subject line.

If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://bluesbaby.8k.com

If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.

Thanks and have a great week!

FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 18

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 18 May 10, 2004

Well last week snow and this week it was some rip roaring
thunderstorms across the Midwest including tornadoes and
hail. I hope everyone came through that safe and sound.
California has fires whipping up after 100+ degree heat so
no one got a break in the weather last week. I hope you all
had a nice Mother's Day. Guys if you forgot, its time for some
major kissing up before heading out to the golf course.


The Bush Administration is at it again! They are trying to pass
legislation to include hatchery raised fish with the endangered
species in the wild, to remove the endangered fish such as
different types of salmon from protection under the EPA.
http://g.msn.com/0US!s9.31612_317621/53.a589/2??cm=MSNBCnewsacrossAmerica


Canadian website with some insightful cartoons from Vancouver
http://www.straight.com/section.cfm?id=172
http://www.straight.com


Literature, poetry, quotations, biographies and many, many
types of reference books online free
http://www.bartleby.com/


For an almanac, atlas, biography, or encyclopedia. They do
include tools like the periodic table, conversion calculators,
mythology guides, crossword puzzle guides, today in history,
and a homework center for the kids
http://www.infoplease.com/


They reach some odd areas like the must have records
http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0150519.html



Remember the old game hangman? Now you can play online!
http://www.jokesandgames.com/hangman/

Iknew this game as Othello
http://www.jokesandgames.com/reverso/

Need a new game . . . try midget tossing. Hey lighten
up its just cartoon characters.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/midget_tossing/midget_tossing.htm


The real story behind Little Red Riding Hood in the 21st
Century . . lol
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/menu/ridehood.htm


Just goes to show that some people have waaaay too much time
on their hands. You have to see this product to believe it.
http://www.stupid.com/stat/OCDG.html


Antonio Jorges Goncalves lives in Lisbon, working as an
illustrator and comic strip artist. Here he makes drawings of
people sitting in subway trains in 10 citiesaround the world.
He stays in each city for an average of three weeks, making
around 300 drawings which seek to cover different times of
day and the different lines of the subway system. Make sure
to click on the bouncing black dot for each city and look at
the photo that pops up.
http://www.subway-life.com


With more of us reducing carbs or watching them there is good
news on the horizon. A nonprofit scientific organization, has
unveiled a new Net Carb Seal of Assurance for food packages,
drinks, restaurant meals raw ingredient materials and displays.

To qualify for the seal, the product ingredients are clinically
tested, a laboratory analysis is done and then final approval of
the Association is given. Results are featured on the Net Carb
Seal of Assurance. For more info The American Carbohydrate
Association 800-700-0295 http://www.acarba.org


One out of 12 women die in childbirth in Africa and it's
estimated about 3,000,000 women are suffering from
childbirth injuries which could be repaired. Dr. Catherine
Hamlin has continued the work started in Ethiopia and
the AFFCI helps to fund them. As seen on Oprah.
http://www.fistulahospital.org/


Getting married? Find tips, tools and the latest trends
at MSN Life Events.
http://lifeevents.msn.com/category.aspx?cid=married

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Mike for the Things Mom Would Never Say

1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look
more cheery"

4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it'sgood for another week"

5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad
to feed and walk him every day"

6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough
for me."

7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not
like I'm running a prison around here."

8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound
to improve"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Know that you are your greatest enemy,
but also your greatest friend.

- Jeremy Taylor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

- Mary Oliver

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for
his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom,
he saw ten stands with ten birds onthem. Each bird had a
sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat in the
front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The
professor announced that the test would be to look at each of
the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and
species.

The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked
the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all
night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The
more he thought about it the madder he got.

Finally he just couldn't stand it any longer. He went up to the
professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could
anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their
legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's
desk and walked to the door.

The professor was shocked. The class was so big that he didn't
know every student's name so as the student reached the door
the professor called,"Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell
me buddy! You tell me!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If everything seems under control,
you're just not going fast enough."
~~ Mario Andretti

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q:What has 6 eyes but can't see?

A:3 blind mice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camping Tips

Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the
other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an
excellent hockey puck.

You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican
food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness
by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic
waistband of your underwear.

Theguitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing
for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.

Effective January 1, 2005, you will actually have to enlist in the
Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used
to strangle a snoring tent-mate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for reservations.
When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree,
something is wrong." ~~ George Carlin

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
~~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for the one about THE POND

An old farmer in Georgia hadowned a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back. One evening the
old farmer decided to go down to the pond. As he neared
the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all
went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked."
"I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and
enthusiasm every time !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they cansubscribe.

If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby@usa.com with subscribe in the subject line.

If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://bluesbaby.8k.com

If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.

Thanks and have a great week!

FUN on the WEB vol 3 issue 17

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 3 Issue 17 May 3, 2004


Wow! It's May but you sure couldn't tell that here yesterday.
When I woke up it was snowing. It even stuck to the cars,
trees, and ground for a while. Lets hope that's the end of it
till next winter. I can only wish that we are now headed into
summer here and that all the rain will bring those flowers out.


With Gas hitting $2 a gallon here are some tips from MSN
http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/Savinganddebt/Saveonacar/P42459.asp


Seek out cheaper gas online
http://www.gasbuddy.com
http://www.gaspricewatch.com


Thanks to Erin for this budget stretching website. Check
it out! They have lots of money saving tips!
http://www.stretcher.com


If you haven't caught this on the news, it appears that a
young man has been homeless at NYU and decided to
live in the library. You have to give the kid some credit for
wanting an education that badly. The FAQ page tells more
than the usual about this boy and his website.
http://www.homelessatnyu.com/home.php


A better kind of travel guide providing the latest up-to-date
information on food, wine and travel. Some areas have top
ten lists or 72 hour travel guides like these:
http://www.gayot.com/travel/citytrips.html
http://www.gayot.com


Thanks to Erin for this website that allows you to shop at
sites donating a portion of your purchase to certain non
profit organizations, like her favorite charity, the Autism
Society of America.
http://www.forsociety.com/com/asa/index.html?AddInterest=1061



Another site from Erin. This one will help you de-clutter
your home and life in short (15 minute) segments. Yes,
I signed up for the newsletter, but I just can't see the
shoe thing (do flip-flops count?)
http://www.flylady.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On to the funnies . .

"Phone Number Trick"
1) Punch the first three digits of your phone home
phone # into your calculator [without the area code].
2) Multiply by 80.
3) Add 1.
4) Multiply by 250.
5) Add the last four digits of your home phone #.
6) Add the last four digits of your home phone # again.
7) Subtract 250.
8) Divide by 2.
Recognize the number? Now, what crazy (genius?)
person had the time tothink of this?!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first
blonde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Murphy's Laws On Work"

Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning
of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop
errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time,
but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you
are really good, you will get out of it.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional
to the number of pensthat person is carrying.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes
it worse.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late
and need the delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the
farthest gate within the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience
turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has
the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in
the boarding area. Just look forthe two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get
up to go to the lavatory.

The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next
to you.

Guys, the best-looking woman on your flight is never seated
next to you.

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the
more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A honeymoon couple stayed in the Watergate Hotel in
Washington, DC. The bride is concerned. "What if the
place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, and under
the rug. "Aha" Under the rug was a disc with 4 screws. He
gets his screwdriver, unscrews the screws and throws the
disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds
"How was your room?" "How was the service?" "How was
your stay at theWatergate?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well . . . the room under you
complained about the chandelier falling on them."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was
sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was
typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book
and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest
and writers cramp.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist
over there to read the picket signs!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warning ona bottle of drain cleaner: "If you cannot read or
do not understand, all directions, cautions and warnings, do
not use this product." That warning is the first place winner
of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan
Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that
the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate
common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the
wackiest warning labels.

Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop
high speed under certain snow conditions."

Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact
discs: "Do not use as a ladder."

Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel
hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish
can't read!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"TBS announced they are developing a reality version of
'Gilligan's Island' that will feature a real-life Skipper, a
millionaire, a movie star and a professor. The winner is the
person at home who decides to watch something else."
--Conan O'Brien

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time you are on an elevator, have some fun and
do one of the items listed below – or it can double as a
psychology experiment.

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap
them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if
they know what floor you are on.

3. Tell people that you can see their aura.

4. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's
okay, don't panic, they open again!"

5. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

6.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

8. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but
push the wrong ones.

9. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on,
ask them if they can hear ticking

10.Turn around and face everyone in the elevator – and
then smile at everyone. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Jack died, his lawyer stands before the family and reads
out Jack's Last Will and Testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land,
and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.

To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health
is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How Fast?"

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agentreplies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in
the classifieds. It read: Brand mint condition 2003 Mercedes
Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00.

She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check
it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her
and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.

She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you
selling this car so cheaply?"

"Well," she said, "it was my husband's car actually, and he
ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him
last week that read: 'In Miami. Need money. Sell car'."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SURE SIGNS YOU ARE BEING STALKED BY MARTHA STEWART

- You get a threatening note made up of letters neatly cut
out of a magazine with pinkingshears;

- You find a slice of lemon floating in your dog's dish;

- Every napkin in your house has been folded into the shape
of a swan;

- On her TV show she makes a replica of your home out of
gingerbread, including your fallen-down licorice downspout
and stuck-half-open, graham-cracker garage door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a
day-to-day basis." --Margaret Bonnano

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.

If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby@usa.com with subscribe in the subject line.

If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I amin the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://bluesbaby.8k.com

If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.

Thanks and have a great week!